Meg Face Search 2008 Trinoma

After eating rosemary chicken sandwich with my boyfriend at Trinoma, we went around the mall to stroll. And surprise, surprise! A lot of teenagers were gathering around the stadium for a make over and a pictorial! Its the Meg Face Search Grand Go-See 2008! (Trivia: Marian Rivera joined in the same contest some years ago)
That's Echo my boyfriend's car. And one of my school mate was there too! And in the above picture, that's me all dolled up!

The date of the event was May 21,2008 (ok sorry, I posted late...) and we have to go through a lot of steps. 1st we have to register, then wait in line for the grand makeover. 1st my hair was curled by Astra, then make-up by Shiseido and picked a dress at Seventeen. I was also able to pick a pair of gladiator wedges and accessories and bags.

It was a fun day but rather exhausting because of all the waiting and all but it was like every dreams come true!

Too bad we have to return the dress, shoes, bags and earrings.

Don't Judge a Movie... Just Like in Books!

We're going to watch Speed Racer in IMAX, the biggest movie house screen in the whole world!

You can experience 3D movie (just like in Enchanted Kingdom) in IMAX! I want to come face to face with T-Rex!

This is Speed Racer's car and that's me holding Herman Melville's Moby-Dick.

Would you believe that I could have totally skipped the movie Speed Racer with out regret? Oh yes, I even watch Harold and Kumar before it! I was a bit judgmental, thinking that it will all be about cars and boys and racing. But I was so wrong.

It has a cool breath taking effect, cute characters, a cute monkey and a really lovable family. I was so disappointed at myself for ever judging a movie without even watching it first... I even thought Harold and Kumar would be much better than it but... will all those marijuana nonsense? Ha! The only thing funny there was the Cock-Meat-Sandwich (blush). Yeah, I know. Bad Rachel!

Anyway, Speed Racer is child-friendly and a very "cool" movie. And watching it in IMAX had it more exhilarating!

Oh, by the way, after finishing The Scarlet Letter, my boyfriend bought me a book, Moby-Dick. I know, some may judge it, like how I judge Speed Racer, with Oh its just about a stupid white whale and captain Ahab... but believe it or not... I really got hook in this book just like I was hook in Little Women; only, this is a real adventure!

Summer Fashion

Vibrant colors for the summer!

I did some shopping recently and bought these two apparel, the pink top and the cropped shorts. Though florals are in fashion today, I want to give the aura of "flowery" when choosing what to buy. So I thought, this pink top, would compliment this short in such a way that it resembles the pink petals and the green-brown stem of a flower.

To give color to my eyes, since I won't be using any eyeshadow, I bought a violet contact lens. Yes, I was suppose to buy green but I feel like I'll be losing my identity if I don't wear my trademark color.

I guess its not that fashionable to others but heck, for all I care, I feel young, beautiful and vibrant!

Property Finder Cover

Yup, this is the 3rd time my photo was used. First for Buy and Sell and the 2nd for Property Finder. This is for the May 30, 2008 issue. Yes, they bring it out in advance.

Just another close-up!

The Scarlet Letter by Nathaniel Hawthorne

An oil canvas of The Scarlet Letter by Tompkins Harrison Matteson

The words "scarlet letter" feels so controversial and popular yet I do not know whether it pertains to an actual letter or a letter as in a love letter. I bought it, not knowing what to expect and hopefully it will cheer me up as the novel of Flaubert had dampen my soul.

Nathaniel Hawthorne, ah... an author so much admired that Herman Melville had dedicated his ever so popular novel, Moby-Dick on this man who brought to us The Scarlet Letter.

I won't lie, it has a similarity to Madam Bovary but this novel is something like, what Madame Bovary could have done otherwise...

The answer to the mystery, unfortunately, will only be given at the end and so it really bugged me through out the novel. You can really feel Hester Prynne, who has been ashamed to the eyes of her neighbors and yet for 7 years or so continued to live her life and become the carrier of the legend of the scarlet letter.

Hawthorne even used symbolism as he used Pearl, Hester's daughter, the living representation of the Scarlet Letter. Oh, how I enjoyed Pearl and her antics. She is compared to an imp for her unruly behavior, always jumping up and down, dancing all around, and yet, possesses a great beauty that people admire but still connects to evil.

Reading this novel made me recall Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo of Jose Rizal. It attacks the people seated in power. Why, he had written it beautifully indeed! The mixture of love, hope, sacrifice, mystery, pride, power and vengeance... who wouldn't get absorbed in the world of The Scarlet Letter?

I then realized, that no matter how much I have ashamed myself in the eyes of the public, no matter how much people criticize and hate me, no matter how much they love to see my downfall, and no matter how they condemn the love I feel for a person to whom they think is wrong for me to love...

I will strive hard, and I will strive good. For though I hold in my being an invisible scarlet letter, I'll live by my curse and make my name. For no legendary icon has made it through the history books without injuring a fate similar to mine... or much worst!

So, does that mean you'll now have the guts to stay in your university having that enigma similar to the scarlet letter of Hester Prynne? We'll see... We'll see...

Madam Bovary by Gustave Flaubert

The original French Edition, 1857

It was regarded as the most important French Literature in the 19th century. I've mentioned in one of my post before how I'll never touch another novel similar to Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes. But thinking, this is a controversial and very much celebrated French novel, it wouldn't gain its reputation if it is anything similar to Coelho's novel. So I bought; and true to its claim, it is controversial, it is so much French and yes it's not at all similar to Coelho's.

How can I start? This novel took my breath away. It made me moody, it made me think and it it made me feel. Oh Madame Bovary, a woman disillusioned by romantic fantasies and played every possible drama in life. She is a woman of the past and yet she seems to represent the woman of the present. Yes... very much the present. Upon reading it until the end, I said to myself, I don't want to have the fate of Madame Bovary! Heck, I don't even want to feel what she felt! But alas! I am a reader and the reader will always (most of the time) feel every emotions in the novel.

Again, I will not spoil this one for you but believe me, this author really knows how to pierce into your heart. It's not really a novel I'd recommend for the young ones to read (unlike Little Women) but if you are smart enough to admit that in one way or another you're life might end up like hers, then go on and read it (at your own risk... this novel went through court before it was published!). Then perhaps the darkness will sooner (or later) fade and you'll see the glimpse of truth...

That happily ever afters are not for everyone and yet those who died never having to reached it are the ones who leave the most beautiful and valuable lessons in life.

Little Women by Louisa May Alcott

The Little Women as they look in my imagination!

Way before I've bought the classical novel, Little Women, I have watched it before as an animation in Animax. This served as the image I'll use in my imagination. And so, on with my reading, not knowing that this novel would forever change my life.

Reading Little Women was like dreaming a good dream. It was so idealistic and yet it felt so real. I saw myself in three of those little women, Jo, Meg and Amy. Jo for being wild, unruly, lover of books and having a risky personality, Meg for being vain and wanting to feel luxury and Amy for being spoiled and trying to live by the standard of the society. How about little Beth? Aw... I am no little Beth. She is quite, kind, generous and saint. An epitome of values and morality.

I won't spoil this novel for you dear readers. But I will tell you one thing I've learned. As long as you have a loving and unselfish family... be damn to all the richness, luxury and diamonds of the world. I actually saw (or maybe read) how having a family can replace the abundance of gold and silver. There are so many Romantic Novel out there that radiates of love and happily ever after but it is in this one sole novel have I found, what the bible had often times describe, as unconditional love.

Some of you may get disappointed in one or two events... (oh why does he have to marry....) Oh just kidding! I did promise not to ruin the novel right?

Nobody had ever painted a family so inspiring as Louisa May Alcott did.

Classic Books are Food for the Soul

My humble collection of classical books.

I remember, when I was in elementary, the very first classical book I've ever read was Wuthering Heights. From then on, I fell in love with reading and playing with my imagination. Though I must say, I've been through Harlequin Romance, Mills and Boons and Avon books, it thought me a lesson on how to compare a good indispensable novel to a so-so one. But I must admit that two of my favorite authors are form Avon books, Kathleen Woodiwiss and Lisa Kleypass. But their novels feels "classical" to me. Oh, I can't truly describe the beauty of their work, it will not give it justice, so here, may I recommend some to you: The Flame and The Flower by K.W. and The Prince of Dreams by L.K.

Ever since stepping to 2nd year, I could barely even remember the heroines of Sidney Sheldon's novels (me and my aunt has a complete collection of all his novels... so sad he died). I've read and bought books from anatomy to psychology and though I've learned a lot, my soul felt so empty. Just when I thought a bunch of beauty magazines and advertised best sellers can satisfy the emptiness inside... I turned back to what had inspired me almost 10 years ago... Classic Books.

So I went to the bookstore and tried to find the "Classic". I saw them all... Ivanhoe, Huckleberry Finn, Frankenstein... what would I choose first? You might think, "Wuthering Heights"? Oh how it tempted me so! But choosing a book is not merely choosing. Its not about the cover or the summary at the back... You will actually feel it calling at you. Its like, at that moment, when you will choose a classic novel, you'll know that after you've read it... it will forever be a part of you.

But what did I choose? Ah.. even if I turned back time, I'll still choose this classic novel over and over again... Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.

Classic Finds

A trip to the good old Mall of Asia had worked wonders to my damped spirit (I've been so sad recently). The mall wasn't crowded, the weather was great for sightseeing, in-house bands were playing and I have a budget to buy anything I want. I'm not going to spurge... (but sometimes we have to cheer ourselves up!)

I first went to The Face Shop to find a really nice lavender eyeshadow. I actually found two shades of the same color family. One is lavender and the other is lilac. I found the lavender intense and shimmery while the lilac is subtle and glistens a little. I honestly liked them both but I have to choose one. Since the lavender has a more user-friendly container, I guess I'll be choosing it over the lilac.

Just before I pay for it I saw a really nice golden-yellow eyeshadow. I remember my tita owning a similar one that she uses under her eye to brighten and conceal the dark circles. I even recall borrowing it and putting some on my nose bridge to make it look more prominent. I set my lavender eyeshadow down and studied the golder-yellow eyeshadow. And I remembered my experiment "Au Naturale". This definitely fits the category. I bought the classic golden-yellow eyeshadow.

Happy with my purchase, I went to National Bookstore and scourge over the Classic Literature section. I was trying to find Louisa May Alcott's Little Men but could not find it. I was debating whether to get Ivanhoe, The Prince and the Pauper or Moby Dick (Ah... Just reading the first line of Moby Dick I felt like I'll be hooked!). But then, I saw something from the corner of my eye. Its a French classic, Madame Bovary. She doesn't seem like the typical heroine in a story and I don't want to read another Paulo Coelho's Eleven Minutes (I kept blushing from every page and I found it rather repulsive... I didn't learn a single thing! And I'm sorry to say that its not even close to my standards of "A Great Love Story"). But something about the word "French" and "Classic" made me put aside Moby Dick and go to the counter and buy Madame Bovary.

Ah... Starbucks... My favorite Caramel Machiatto and Madame Bovary to keep me company. It feels so good and thought I should do this often. I stayed there for 2 hours.

I still have another hour to spare. I'll visit The Body Shop. And what can I say... surprise surprise... its their anniversary and they're on sale! I immediately saw the cream blush on that I've been dying to buy... on 50% off! Though my shade Sunset Pink is unavailable, I chose the next best shade, Golden Pink. Hmmm... I think it will complement my new eyeshadow fairly well. I instantly bought it. Would you believe I stayed there for an hour? And it still wasn't enough. You see, one of the saleslady there talked to me about a lot of things. I kinda know all the products of The Body Shop by heart and yet I found myself talking to her. She even asked me for personal tips on make up, skin care and dry brushing! Oh... It has been so long when I last had a real girl talk to somebody. It felt so nice. I was blushing with happiness. This has been a really good day for me.

Here are the classic finds that truly made my day close to perfect.

My "Au Naturale Experiment"

All right, not that I'm defensive or anything, but that's my current close up photo at the moment. And no, there was not a single part of my face that was edited by Photoshop. Though my current photo is not exactly "fashionable" (not even close to "pretty"), I'm proud to say its "Au Naturale".

I'm currently trying this "Au Naturale Experiment" where you totally skip the foundation, blush-on, liner, primer, eyeshadow and highlighter with exemption to mascara and lip gloss (lipstick is optional as long as its natural. Doesn't have to be pale). This way, I can re-apply either my oil-free moisturizer or my sunblock. Is press powder exempted? No (Oh, the horror! How do you control the shine?) I use oil blotting paper. It absorbs the oil and at the same time won't hide your skin's natural glow.

Alright, I have to be honest with you. This "Au Naturale Experiment" needs one important factor. A clear face. Let me broaden, you must have a pimple free and even toned skin. I know that's very hard to achieve. I don't have a "perfect skin" at all but I try my best to achieve it.

My very simple, and very short skin care routine for the summer is to cleanse my face with Ivory (currently in love with its Aloe scent), tone my face using .010% Tretinoin and 2% Hydroquinone solution and moisturize with DHC Alpha-Arbutin Milk. Another important thing, please don't forget groom your eyebrows.

Believe me when I say that you'll experience an increase number of pimple, blackhead and whitehead for a week or two. Its the effect of the tretinoin and hydroquinone. Afterwards, say hello to a new, firmer, smoother, clearer and whiter skin! A warning though, you're skin will be very sensitive to the sun. Use your sunblock (you should use it even if you're not in tretinoin and hydroquinone) and re apply every two hours at the very least.

I have to say I'm very happy with the results of my experiment at the moment. I feel as if resting my face from tons of make-up had dramatically improved my face. I do respect every individual's taste in make-up but I think this no-make up look fits me perfectly well.

Oh one more thing, being able to re apply my oil free moisturizer and sunblock through out the day makes me feel as if I'm nourish my skin 24/7. It actually makes me feel good. So I guess this experiment for me is a success!

The last thing I want people to say behind my back is "She's not really that pretty if you take aways that 10 layers of make-up off her face..."

How to be Beautiful... But What is Beauty Anyway?

Before learning the secrets of achieving beauty, we must first define what is beauty. I will give you the real facts regarding the standards of beauty with out incorporating my personal opinion (you know, about personality, morals and stuff). So lets learn what's the science behind beauty and get on with the facts.

SYMMETRY

Yes you read it right. Symmetry is having the exact reflection of form on opposite sides of a dividing line or plane. A good example is your face. Imagine that a vertical line in the center of your face, diving it into halves. Now the relation of beauty to symmetry enters when one side of your face (either the left or right) is very identical or similar to its other half. Is your right eyebrow symmetrical to the left? Does your left eyes similar to your right? Is one side of your nose identical to the other? Well, take it from the babies. Studies shows that babies stares longer at a more symmetrical faces than asymmetrical ones!

THE GOLDEN RATIO

I'm not very good in math at all. But I will try to shed some light on this. The Greeks believe that beauty can be explained through mathematics, in ratio to be exact. So beauty as defined in mathematical ratio is 1:1.618 or in decimal 1.618. I just wished its that simple but its not. For example, the human face. The mere distance of each parts of the face like the eyes, nose, mouth and chin are in accordance to the golden ratio. In fact, a "golden mask" has been created that somehow became an instrument that "measure" beauty. So who are the famous icons that has successfully fitted the golden mask on? A beauty Greek icon, Nefertiti, the original sex icon, Marilyn Monroe and in our present time... hmmm... Jessica Simpson and Britney Spears (oh come on! REALLY?...) Yes, really!

Will this mask perfectly fit your face?


OTHER CRITERIA OF PHYSICAL BEAUTY

According to studies, a woman who is youthful or possesses characteristics of youth like full lips (doesn't have to be a exactly like Angelina Jolie's!), smooth even-tone skin, big bright eyes etc... is more attractive to look at. Maybe that's the reason why we find "cute" people really attractive.

And of course I wouldn't skip the ever so popular topic regarding skin tone. What is more attractive? Pale or tanned? Well, from what I read, it depends on what country you're in. If you are in Asia, pale skin is most prized as it symbolizes youth and being born in a rich family where you don't have to bask in under the sun to work. In the western world, its a totally different thing. Tanned skin are considered attractive because it carries the idea of being able to afford a vacation or being engaged in an outdoor sport.

So what is beauty anyway? Its symmetry, its a ratio, its youthfulness and it depends on your culture's criteria... in short, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.

Knowing a Little of Everything

In a typical guy, the mere mention of the word "woman" may seem synonymous to fashion, make-up and a one hour skin care routine. And that is exactly what this post is all about. We women should know a little of everything not because guys expects that from us (well, maybe it is one factor) but because this will boost our self-esteem and will actually make us feel good about ourselves.

Fashion is not only about the season's new trends, the most expensive Louis Vuitton bags nor the runway's latest fashion collection (though they are important in every sense). Fashion is an art. Sometimes you are born with a keen sense on it and sometimes we try to learn and master it. Are there any rules in fashion when it changes every season? There must be... but for me I keep this one rule all the time.

You can change your taste in fashion as fast as fashion changes itself but do keep one thing constant, your identity.

So what must you keep in mind regarding the art of fashion? Don't get swayed by models or by people who wears the current trend. Not because its looks good on them doesn't mean it will look good on you too (most of the time...). Keep in mind that body structure, skin tone and even your personality plays a vital role in selecting the right jeans, that indispensable handbag or that ever so flattering stilettos. Remember that this not only about fashion, this is about YOU being a real fashion icon!

Gisele Bunchen makes every designer's dreams come true.

Ah, make-up. They are also the pride of the runway. You don't really have to be Picasso or Bobbi Brown to master the basics of applying make-up. All you need is proper guidance and a lot of practice. First of, like in fashion, you need to take note of a lot of factors that includes your skin tone, the occasion, the time of the day, the color of your clothes and of course whether you have a sensitive skin or not.

Two of my personal favorites (that I know can never go wrong) are mascara and lip gloss. Not far from the list is a very good liquid foundation and blush-on. Knowing what is best for your skin tone like "fair looks good on pink and light colors while dark looks great with deep colors like berry and blues" can ready enhance your natural beauty.

The more you learn and practice the more you'll realize that with make up you can actually make your face appear slimmer or that small eyes appear bigger. It's really just a matter learning, practicing and mastering. There are a lot of make up brands out there. Choose one that has a reputable name and one that you know will not add years to you face in the long run (if you know what I mean).

Lastly, remember this cardinal rule. Always take your make-up off before you go to sleep... and I mean ALWAYS.

Make-up + Aishwarya Rai = Art

Now for my favorite topic, Skin Care. My boyfriend could never really figure out why I need to have atleast two different lotions for day (with tons of spf) and for night (creamy and loaded with vitamins and anti-oxidant) and why I put so many cream on my face (hello, its an eye cream, an emulsion, a moisturizer...). But at least he respects that.

All around the world, skin care varies. There are those three step routine that consists of cleanse, tone and moisturize and that eight step routine of cleanse, facial mask, tone, emulsion, serum, spot treatment, eye cream and moisturize. Of course, there are those who make their own routine which is fine as long it perfectly fits your need.

The skin, as you already know, is the largest organ in the body. Even the most expensive little black dress or the best make up in the world cannot replace a really beautiful skin. That skin shows more than your natural beauty, but also reflects how you take care of yourself.

Remember that in skin care it takes more than La Prarie or Lancome to work its magic. It needs your effort, consistency and your dedication. Consider both skin care an art and a science. Know what you put on your skin and the rationale behind it. Never ever get swayed with advertisement. And lastly, love the skin you're in. Enhance and not change.

The Japanese perfected the science of Skin Care. Take it from Keiko Kitagawa!

You don't have to be rich or be an artist to learn these art. You are special in your own way and you deserve to be beautiful. I've always admired women who's beauty and talent were already encoded in their genes but lucky for us we too can actually learn. So never give up nor lose hope. Beauty is not just for one but for all. So for the very last time, learn, practice and master!

A Perfect Beauty

I have always believed that beauty is more than just mere biological "accident" of nature. Though we cannot deny that appearance plays a vital standard in defining what is beautiful today, adding a a little bit of talent, intelligence and a great personality is absolutely the cherry on the cake.

I never thought a perfect beauty really exist until I actually met three women that took my breath away. They don't look alike, they have different skills and each has their own unique lovable personality. And I've met the three of them.

Last 2006, I was lucky enough to win the title Miss University Philippines and compete for an international beauty pageant, the Mister and Miss University International. That pageant both taught and mold me so much that I felt as if I was a renewed woman after the painful farewell. It was also in that same pageant that I met three women from Mongolia, Korea and Thailand that made me realize that perfection does exist and it exist in unique and gifted individuals.

So, without further ado, may I present to you the beautiful women I was fortunate to meet. Though all of the MMUI candidates are beautiful I would just mention the three that honestly strike me as a perfect beauty.


Meet Miss Thailand or Patta, Miss Mongolia or Ono, Miss Korea or Sunny and of course, me. We'll be giving the spot light to the three women I mentioned. First off, we'll start with the closest to my heart, Miss Mongolia.


She was so beautiful I could barely take my eyes off her. She was one of the most quiet of all the candidates and yet her beauty shouts to all four corners of every places we went to. But her perfectly symmetric face was only a portion of her true beauty.

I once accompanied her to her room in Manila Hotel. I was so surprised how she charmingly shriek when she saw the view. I could really see the sincerity in her eyes when she said to me something like this:

The sky and the sea are touching. In Mongolia there is no sea...

Her happiness was as simple as seeing how the sky mysteriously touch the sea. And that was when I realized, she's more than what meets the eye.

Uno has got to be the most talented candidate in the whole pageant. She won the Best in Talent award to support my claim. She danced and sang so gracefully I just can't help asking her, "Don't you want to be an artist?" That was when she told me

I wanted to give my service and help many children...

And it was true. She has been doing service for peace for so long that she has dedicated her life on working to be of service in helping other people... especially the children.

She was without trace of vanity or conceit. She quiet, simple, truthful and beautiful. Her morals and values are so admirable that I truly believe she passed the standard of a Godivian Beauty... and so much more.

Our next perfect beauty is Sunny or Miss Korea.

There will always be that girl that the camera loves (and no, not the other way around). She seems to have the perfect smile, the perfect angle and the perfect beauty. In the pageant, it took a form of Miss Korea. Like her name implies, Sunny, she always, always brighten up the room with her smile.

She always dresses her best. You'll find her in a floral dress, a cute pink top or very elegant attire. She was always eye catching. You can never catch Sunny at her worst. She seems to be always in her very best. Even her perfectly curled hair, or that beautiful accessory that totally compliments her outfit, she seems to be the apple of everyone's eyes.

I remembered Miss Thailand telling me that Miss Mongolia is gorgeous but Miss Korea is very cute! I think she's correct. Sunny is cute in every way. I think she's a doll that has come to life. A Korean beauty without any plastic surgery or the such. She was a natural. But I know that deep inside that easy smile is a lot of consistent maintenance. She didn't only caught my eyes, but also of the judges. She won the title!

The last but definitely not the least is none other than Miss Thailand or Patta, the "funny girl" as she always tells everyone.


She has got to be the most popular candidate in the pageant. She seems to charm everyone with her funny jokes, her unique antiques and her intelligent mind. Yup, she is the brightest of them all. Its really hard how to describe her. Maybe that's the point. Her beauty is indescribable. She's studying to be a doctor in a university, she could speak at least threedifferent languages (I think she could speak more than 3), she joins quiz bees and like a girls scout, she seems to know what to do at the proper time and the proper place.

My friends who watched the pageant said that they really like how her funny nature compliments her Asian beauty. She's very talkative in a good way that made everyone around her feel at ease. She could invent games, funny poses and so much more, that she bagged the award of Miss Friendship... and Miss Formal Wear... and 1st Runner-up. Phew!

But personally, what I admire about Patta is her intelligence. But beyond that I know she's also hard working and really studious. During the pageant she acts as our resident doctor. She bought a lot of medicine and was sincerely and professionally prescribing them to us... her patients. And she is truly inspiring.


This is me during the pageant. No I'm not one of those perfect beauty but I'm glad I met them at least once in my life. I have always believe that beauty is learned, practiced and mastered. I learned a lot from these three women and right now I'm in a middle of practicing it 'till I master... Hopefully.

No More Fear

No matter how much we deny the fear of death we cannot deny the fact that we do not want to die yet. Just now, I realized I'm no longer afraid. Well, yesterday I was afraid or maybe an hour before I wrote this blog... But now, I feel that the fear was just suddenly blown away.

My grandfather died this year. But last December 2007 he was already suffering. That was the very first time I felt raw pain deed inside my heart. I didn't know that losing someone you really love, someone who loves you back, the only man in your life that was sincere and pure will be this painful. I've cried and felt pain before... And I recovered. But now, I'm crying and feeling pain and I don't want to recover. I don't want to forget.

The only thing that somehow eases this hurt was the memory of taking care of my grandfather last December. I bet it was one of the happiest experience in his life... and mine too. I'm sorry I can't type what happened because I can't stop crying right now... But we shared good times. And I showered him all my love as a granddaughter and daughter could ever show.

I really thought he was getting well. But unfortunately God took him from me. No, God didn't took him... My grandfather was His in the first place. I'm just really selfish. I just really thought I would graduate, be very rich and give my grandfather his own luxurious kitchen and lots of great grand children to take care of and tour him to different countries where he can sample all the great food some chef will make. He's a chef too you know. And ever since I was a child he already cooks for us. It was always perfect, delicious and presentable.

My grandfather is very happy in Heaven now. There is no more pain, no more sadness and no more hurt. He's with his mother and father and I know... I pray... He's having the most wonderful and memorable time of his life... And he's not regretting anything at all. I've had my shortcoming and maybe I'll keep regretting all my life. But it doesn't matter, I deserve it.

Right now I no longer fear death. Because I know that when I die and leave all my mortal senses here on earth, I'll be with my grandfather. We will talk and be together again and maybe he'll teach me now to cook... Because unfortunately I didn't got his talent nor his beautiful prominent nose... and I love him dearly.

My grandfather is more than just a figure here in my blog. He's alive and a vital part of me. And when I grow old and become a mother, I'll name my first born son after him. Hopefully my future husband won't mind. I know it will make my grandfather really really happy. And so, before I end this blog may I leave a message to my grandfather...

To my dearest grandfather Roberto C. Perez, I love you very very much. Someday we'll be together and be one big family again. I miss you so much. I bet God's very happy because you're cooking really delicious food up there in Heaven. Imma as usual is the same but I know she miss you so much. Mommy's cooking for us and I hope you heard what she whispered to you before. I bet that made you shed tears. My brothers and Noah are getting matured now. Cha Cha is in Guam with Tita Ruby. I guess our family's falling apart now... It makes me really sad. Tita Olen and Tita Sed misses you so much. Thank you for finally visiting Tita Olen in her dreams. That made her really happy. I guess I'll be seeing you soon Tatay. Don't forget to visit me in my dreams. Your grand daughter who loves you truly, Rachel

BEYOND MY FACE

I am more than my face and my name. I am not here to defend myself from criticisms nor paint my self a saint because I certainly am not. I am Rachel and no less than that. You may describe me as average or otherwise. It really depends on who describes who. So I guess the only way I can introduce myself is by telling you who I think or feel or dream I am.

I am Rachel Perez Kabigting. I got a very plain name that originated from the bible and yet my father seems to say I was named after a singer. My name means "ewe" or a female sheep that symbolizes purity. Do I live up by my name? Oh boy, I am cunning, mischievous, a trouble maker but sometimes I do play a part of an ewe. Like I say, sometimes.

My middle name is Perez. If I were to choose, I wish I could adopt my middle name. I have a father but my grandfather has played his part for his as far as I could remember. Unfortunately, or should I say, fortunately? He's with God now. But I never lose hope that one day I'll see him again. I miss him so badly.

I've had my share of both beautiful and dreadful experiences. I've seen some of my dreams come to life and to some of it I bid goodbye. I seem to mostly have the answers to problems and solutions to dilemmas but thats for other people. I just can't seem to do what I preach. Oh come, it happens to the best of us.


I love to dream and most of it consists of the usual like traveling the whole world, spending a year in a Paris, owning Oprah's diamonds and exchange my simple life to Paris Hilton. I'm a material girl. Hahaha... Just kidding. But I won't deny that it did cross my mind.

My dreams evolved as I gain age. Right now it involves finishing college as soon as possible and starting my own line of beauty products. Who knows, when it does happen I might recall this first blog entry of mine and say "Before it was just a dream written in my blog... But now it has come to life!"

I've made many mistakes in my life but before they become mistakes I just felt that I was the right thing to do. Nobody can blame me for not knowing what the future holds. I guess I didn't say the usual, "My favorite color is pink and purple. I used to have a pet goldfish and I only drink cold caramel macchiato..." those kind of stuff because like what my blog says: beyond my face. It also means beyond the usual things I do. So this is intimate stuff!

Oh well, its still fun to talk about it! I can't help it, I'm a girl! I'm definitely a 100% certified beauty junkie. I love to read about skin care, I love to buy make-ups, body butter, shimmer... you name it! I'm also a SPA lover and a worshiper of sauna, steam bath and some good old Swedish massage. And yes I love Caramel Macchiato and currently craving for Breadtalk's Cheese Floss. Chocolates? Need not ask. Personally, Godiva's my favorite. No bias at all.

I guess a single blog entry can't really define who I really am beyond this face. But I assure you that as time goes by, with every entry I make, it is a sincere and truthful Rachel. Never wishing nor pretending to be somebody I am not. So this is it for now. Hopefully I get to finish the layout of my website http://godivarachel.webs.com before school starts. Ciao!